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Now see here, you Yanks. This whole iPhone concept...it's just not cricket. You plebes may fall victim to the seductive powers of Sir Steven Jobs, with his shiny expensive bobs and brickabrack, but we Brits are made of tougher stuff. You won't find it so easy fobbing off your gadgety thingies on us, by Jove. Just look at the pittance of iPhone activations made since launching here in the UK, something like 26,500? Mere truffles, I tell you. The queen has more diamond studs in her dinner gown. Knickers!

Now do go on and take your toys elsewhere, or Parliament will have to reassess the terms its peace treaty with you and reclaim lost territory. We wouldn't want to start an "incident" now would we? There's a good chaps.

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