Scoopertino, a website that is devoted to fake Apple news, "got their hands on" a very top-secret Apple document - Steve Jobs' New Year's resolutions.
The napkin is standard-issue Starbucks beige. Written in what appears to be a thin Sharpie, black, are ten numbered resolutions. It cannot be determined if they are in ascending or descending order of importance. Three mug stains appear to be random.
- Keep the Verizon myth going
- More crank calls to Zuckerberg
- Trademark "Steve" - sue Ballmer's ass
- Fire Schiller if he FaceTime's me nude again
- Reject more apps, just for fun
- Change phone number, don't give to Woz
- Double Mossberg's payola
- Fire someone on their birthday
- Upgrade to iPhone 4 when antenna gets fixed.
- Shut down scoopertino - ain't funny
Now, I know this is all for laughs, but I can't help but think that resolution #3 holds some truth!