Steve Jobs' New Year's resolutions found on Starbucks napkin [Humor]

Scoopertino, a website that is devoted to fake Apple news, "got their hands on" a very top-secret Apple document - Steve Jobs' New Year's resolutions.

The napkin is standard-issue Starbucks beige. Written in what appears to be a thin Sharpie, black, are ten numbered resolutions. It cannot be determined if they are in ascending or descending order of importance. Three mug stains appear to be random.

  1. Keep the Verizon myth going
  2. More crank calls to Zuckerberg
  3. Trademark "Steve" - sue Ballmer's ass
  4. Fire Schiller if he FaceTime's me nude again
  5. Reject more apps, just for fun
  6. Change phone number, don't give to Woz
  7. Double Mossberg's payola
  8. Fire someone on their birthday
  9. Upgrade to iPhone 4 when antenna gets fixed.
  10. Shut down scoopertino - ain't funny

Now, I know this is all for laughs, but I can't help but think that resolution #3 holds some truth!

[Scoopertino via macstories]

Leanna Lofte

App and Photography Editor at iMore. Mother, wife, and math instructor. Follow her on Twitter @llofte and send her apps to consider for review at

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There are 13 comments. Add yours.

BLiNK says:

.11 Jailbreak iPhone to make it operable

west3man says:

I like how Steve waits for ANOTHER peek at Schiller's schlonger before giving him the axe.

WAHT??! says:

I don't think Mossberg would find #7 funny.
I don't!!

Farid Rahmi says:

They missed an easy one :

  1. Get up on time this year...
Naughty_Ottsel says:

In the old terms of Facebook "Like"

Zeller says:

Hilarious. I like number one and nine. Good stuff.

Manish says:

Create air scan which is opposite of air print, allows docs scanned to be sent to iphone over air...

Adi says:

No mention to Adobe Flash? anybody can understand that the writer didn't try to look the list like real...:)