Scoopertino, a website that is devoted to fake Apple news, "got their hands on" a very top-secret Apple document - Steve Jobs' New Year's resolutions.

The napkin is standard-issue Starbucks beige. Written in what appears to be a thin Sharpie, black, are ten numbered resolutions. It cannot be determined if they are in ascending or descending order of importance. Three mug stains appear to be random.

  1. Keep the Verizon myth going
  2. More crank calls to Zuckerberg
  3. Trademark "Steve" - sue Ballmer's ass
  4. Fire Schiller if he FaceTime's me nude again
  5. Reject more apps, just for fun
  6. Change phone number, don't give to Woz
  7. Double Mossberg's payola
  8. Fire someone on their birthday
  9. Upgrade to iPhone 4 when antenna gets fixed.
  10. Shut down scoopertino - ain't funny

Now, I know this is all for laughs, but I can't help but think that resolution #3 holds some truth!

[Scoopertino via macstories]