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UPDATED: RIM CEO: No market for iPad, iPhone not popular

UPDATE: TiPb was sent a transcript of the TD Newcrest Technology Conference, including the comments by RIM co-CEO Mike Lazaridi, so here they are in their entirety. On tablets:

Well. The trends we’ve been following have been an -- there’s been, over the last three to four years, organizations have discovered the value of smartphones clearly, and that’s why we’re here, and that’s what we’re talking. And smartphones are always starting to space the need for laptops, but not all laptops, and not all needs. And I know that there are risks organizations that ask their customers when they join, when get hired, do you want a smartphone or a laptop very few get the opportunity to have both. So I think that’s an important thing, those are differentiated.

So the question you have ask yourself is when it comes to tablet, what market or what opportunities still it’s solving, what problem is it solving, and is it just a replacement laptop. I think that’s a difficult one to judge. But I think again if you look at what’s happening with smartphones are getting bigger, screens are getting bigger and getting more powerful and faster CPUs, more memory, we go in the 4G networks, we’ve got Wi-Fi, it’s just got everything, the operating systems are becoming more, more powerful, the tools are becoming more, more powerful, more applications are being developed, and are being used in more and more both enterprise and consumer spaces. So, I think at this point if you have to take the whole thing into consideration, you can’t say what’s the market for tablets in exclusion of the other devices, you have to put the whole thing together and I don’t think it’s that clear yet.

On touchscreen phones:

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CEOh-Snap! Storm Owners, RIM Says Your Device is teh Sux and it's Your Fault for Buying It

Seriously, I'm beginning to heart RIM's co-CEOs almost as much as I heart Steve Ballmer. Give the mobilemen a venue and a mic, and we get blog gold each and every time. Chronology will help context here:

Mike Lazaridis on touch screen devices:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

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iPhone Jeopardy Rerun: Ballmer, Lazaridis, and Colligan Edition!

This. Is. iPhone JEOPARDY!... Judges Round!

Way back on March 14 we covered some of the bold, bodacious pontifications the CEOh-no's of Microsoft, RIM, and Palm had made about the iPhone. Quick-on-the-buzzer as always, it's time once again to go back to our judges and see how they did!

"Why We're Not Worried about the iPhone" for 100

Ed Colligan:

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CEOh-Snap: RIM Blames iPhone for AT&T Bold-faced Delays!

Pop quiz. You announce the hawt new tic-tac-tile handset in May for a Summer release yet Summer comes and goes, and one of the largest carriers in one of the largest geekphone markets in the world (that'd be AT&T in the USA) keeps rejecting your firmware -- over and over again.

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Attack of the iClones: Blackberry ThunderStorm Clicktastic Edition!

The. Whole. Screen. Is. A. Flipping. Tic. Tac. Tile. Button.

Seriously. We kid you not (though RIM could be kidding us all?). Sister-site has all the deets, but...

Seriously? Who's the usability wizard who came up with this one? Who came up with the single-click point of failure concept? The one mechanism to break it all?

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Attack of the iClones Blog vs. Blog Edition: Crackberry/Boy Genius Haptic Thunder NERDFIGHT!

Sure, the iPhone 3G launch is tomorrow. Consider this an amuse bouche. Or the opposite of that, an annoy bouche. Whatever. Something salty to make Friday taste all the more sweet!

The subject of today's battle royal? Nope, not iPhone vs. Blackberry. That's old. This time it's Blackberry vs. Blackberry, Blog vs. Blog, over the iClone to end all iClones: the touchscreen Blackberry Thunder!

Says our sister site, 10th degree Blackberry belts and reigning world champions:

Touchscreen BlackBerry Thunder Keyboard To Utilize Haptic Technology... AMAZING Implementation! [...] Leave it to RIM to CRACK the touchscreen keyboard nut.

Says Boy Genius Report, craftiest of all mobile blogsphere Ninja:

The keyboard is incredibly annoying to type on, and the screen actually shows ripples even when pressed ever-so-lightly. [...] Most of the people who have handled it thinks it’s a joke.

Read on for round 2!

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CEOh-Snap! RIM Boss: Touchscreens Stink -- Let's iClone One!

Ah, comedy, thy name is Lazaridis!

What, you may ask, makes the CEO of Blackberry manufacturer RIM so knee slapping-ly funny? Deadpan Setups (on April 27th) like this:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

Followed by absolutely killer punch-lines (on May 13th):

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CEOh-Snap! RIM Boss Plays iPhone Jeopardy

This. Is. iPhone JEOPARDY!

Welcome everyone to the smartphone space where competing CEO's answer in nothing resembling the form of a question. Lucky for us, however, they're quick on the buzzer and their bold, bodacious pontifications, more often than not, come right back to bite them on their assets.

"Why We're Not Worried about the iPhone" for 100

Previously on iPhone Jeopardy, smartphone innovator and Folio-smasher, Ed Colligan of Palm/Treo fame jumped on the iPhone launch:

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