iphone_week_in_schadenfreude_080412.jpg

Not evil twin to Phone Different Week in Review, not an invasion by Fake Steve, This Week in Smart Phone Schadenfreude brings you all the feel-better news you need about the smartphone world outside Apple's current media dominator. (Who knew there was such a world? We were just as surprised! Inelegant, interface challenged, keyboardy, crashy, single-touchy place -- best not to linger...). Join us as we mock review the big news from last week at our sister sites. Everybody loves sibling rivalry!

NOC Back to RIM's Regularly Unscheduled Outages

Having finally mastered outages both unscheduled and scheduled, CrackBerry.com tell us RIM once again led the industry in outage innovation with the new, improved, cluster-buster outage. Your carrier, your area, your email? Dunno. Not when, not where. It was, however, limited to AT&T. And Verizon. And, yeah, T-Mobile. East coast only. Plus west coast. Oh, and in between too. We're mostly sure about that. Mostly.

Compete with that, ActiveSync!

(Ha Ha! Indeed...)

RIM to India: Please... be Gentle.

Lest we forget that RIM's Network Operations Center (NOC) isn't just about communal service failures so regular they must be on a high-fiber diet, CrackBerry.com reminds us about their other advantage: convenient one-stop security and privacy violation spots.

Obliging to a degree that makes even Jerry Yang do a spit-take, RIM already maintains proxy-servers in Singapore and China designed to allow those governments to spy... er... surveil all data traffic in their respective dictatorships... er... countries. Now they may go so far as to provide the government of India the translation code(s) needed to decrypt the actual messages sent from Blackberries themselves(!?).

Important sacrifice necessary in the war against whatever amorphous threat-du-decade allows governments to trample individual privacy, or overt act of an evil empire in-the-growing? Well, the telcos support it, so easy call...

In Ur WinMob Runningz Android

Windows Mobile not making your current smartphone buggy and unstable enough for you? Google to the rescue, says WM Experts!

Simply take your old, outdated, Windows 6.0 or 6.1 phone and install the destined-to-be-in-perpetual-beta, Android OS on it, and bingo! (Or is it BSOD?) Twice the OS with half the resources and still nothing in the way of user experience!

Word on the street is that this is only step one. Soon you'll be able to run Access Linux Platform on top of Android. And with ALP's killer Garnet emulation mode, that's a quad-OS sammitch writing so far from the metal you'll never be disturbed by anything even remotely resembling a phone call again. (But you will be able to run all 300 8-bit 160x160 apps you bought for your Treo back in 1832!)

Lab tests show performance isn't great, however. Only twice as fast as current milestone builds of VistaMob 7.

NOC-Down, Drab-Out

A special bonus WMExperts podcast this week, with special guest CrackBerry Kevin, brings us a techno-a-techno "push" email punch-out, as Blackberry's Notorious NOC takes on Microsoft's MSCMDM (aka Miskumdum, which, apparently, Superman must somehow trick Steve Balmer into saying backwards in order to banish the Monkey Boy back to his home dimension).

Elegantly available, ironically enough, via iTunes.

Treo 755p Sprint'ing Towards the Finished Line?

Treocentral.com reports that Sprint has stopped selling the latest -- 2006 vintage -- top-of-the-line Palm OS Treo 755p. Or not. Apparently the sales numbers really don't indicate either way.

And in No Other News

First it was Blackberry, then it was Samsung, now Nokia has sent in an iClone of their very own.

Seriously.

How do you say "shameless" in Norfinwedish?

Gotcha. "Tube".