This Week in Smartphone Schadenfreude, July 19th Edition

Not evil twin to theiPhoneBlog.com Week in Review, not an invasion by Fake Steve, This Week in Smart Phone Schadenfreude brings you all the feel-better news you need about the smartphone world outside Apple’s current media dominator. (Who knew there was such a world? We were just as surprised! Inelegant, interface challenged, keyboardy, crashy, single-touchy place — best not to linger…). Join us as we mock review the big news from last week at our sister sites. Everybody loves sibling rivalry!

This week: Blackberry device outages, Android SDK, Palm launches Treo 700 v3

Bold Behind, ThunderStorm Downgraded

Congrats to sister-site Crackberry.com for breaking the first images of the Blackberry ThunderStorm's soft, virtual keyboard (you know, the one RIM's CEO can't use and would never make). Might just be a sticker, though, as NERDFIGHT or no reports continue to say the latest iClone just don't work yet. (But dig the UI work! Jonathan Ive must be quaking in his elegant yet understated ash black #7 boots...)

No problem, right? Because the Bold is launching any day now? Er... no so much either... Looks like it doesn't work so well either yet. Radio code, they say. That or RIM's desperate scramble to try and launch their iClone double punch as fast -- and loose it seems -- as possible.

Chill guys. Take your time. Get it right. And here's a thought -- why not innovate something of your own while you're at it?

Asked... And Answered!

Crackberry.com asks:

How come every new big BB app is running into such teething problems!?!

And Crackberry.com responds:

RIM just updated their site with BlackBerry JDE 4.5

Ahem.

When you have scads of devices scattered across multiple outdated OS versions all based on Java Micro Edition, you have a development nightmare that makes Windows Mobile look, well... not completely horrible by comparison.

Memo to Waterloo: In addition to innovative handsets, let's add a real OS to the list. You know, something that couldn't run a RAZR. We hear LinMo is the rage with all the cool kids these days...

Crackbettey Brings Less Hawtness to the Blog...

And dang right, ours is better than yours.

But we could teach you to use an iPhone, L-Loh, now that Fake Steve is no longer in charge...

AT&T Crackspiracy Redux

We covered this story early in the week (and of course Crackberry.com iCloned it with a rapidity that would make RIM proud).

Way to go, tic-tactile-tards. Next time just be honest. Tell them you ran out of iPhones and you'll order them some when Apple can find your out-of-nowhere parking-lot kiosk. Better to be embarrassed than humiliated.

Does Android Dream of Exclusive Sheep?

Huge surprise. Mega. Potential Android developers (yup, some people are still waiting for their iPhone App Store acceptance and have to keep busy somehow) are growing impatient with the lack of SDK updates coming out of Mountain View.

Only not so much. Turns out there hasn't been a lack of updates at all -- they've just been reserved for specialer, more privileged partners.

Non-disclosure agreements and selective access to development tools are hardly emblematic of an open ecosystem. Google has intentionally disadvantaged many developers and kept the broader Android community in the dark about the progress of the platform. Google's failure to fulfill its commitment to openness has eroded one of the principle differentiating factors that made Android a relevant alternative to Apple's iPhone operating system. If Google cannot change course, the lack of transparency in the development process will likely push disenfranchised developers towards other mobile platforms.

Way to embrace the spirit of "open" there, eh, Google? Not evil phase all past us now then?

Making an OS is hard, even when you have a CEO on the Apple board and the iPhone to use as a blueprint. Making an OS by committee is even harder. Making an OS by committee and expecting it to work on multiple, different handsets from OEM partners is something that probably still gives Bill Gates night sweats.

Hate to say we told you so... not.

Live Mess

At least we figure the "Mesh" thing must be a WMExperts typo, given the state-of-the-art-of-1990 GUI...

Opera... Oprah. Oprah... Opera

The browser you've all been waiting... and waiting... for to replace the massively outdated Pocket Internet Explitivor is finally here. If one of the many known issues isn't a deal breaker. And if it's available for your device. And if you don't mind resource hogs.

Maybe they should pull a Krakow and just license LinMo and WebKit?

Palm Releases a Treo!

Stop the presses... er... posters! Palm has released a new Treo! No, we're not joking, TreoCentral.com even has a review!

It's the 700w v3 800w, which sees the antenna become an intenna, and the Treo finally getting some WiFi. (Yeah, we fainted too). Screen's still recessed, form factor's still jurassic, the OS ain't Palm or Nova, but hey -- it's a NEW TREO!

And in No Other News

Pop quiz: You're Motorola and you've recently been all but Icah'ned apart. Through lack of vision and hubris-filled mismanagement, you've lost more ground than even the RAZR bump ever gave you, and now, facing the iPhone, what do you do? Beg back the designers and engineers that once made you great? Take a RSK on making something new and wonderful? Or just sue one of the poor souls who jumped ship before it broke itself open on the RKS?

The latter of course. You're Moto, right?

Rene Ritchie

Editor-in-Chief of iMore, co-host of Iterate, Debug, ZEN and TECH, MacBreak Weekly. Cook, grappler, photon wrangler. Follow him on Twitter, App.net, Google+.

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There are 2 comments. Add yours.

ben says:

Classic!!! Went to respond to how pathetic this type of article is on my iPhone and there's a glitch, whenever you type it jumps to the top of the page!! So....I'm typing this on my BB

Rene Ritchie says:

See, ben, your iPhone has a sense of parody and wanted to help you out by not letting you harshen your own mellow or lose your childlike sense of wonder. BB didn't care enough for you.
This is just a way to bring you some news in an over-the-top, make-fun-of-us-as-much-as-them way.
Not your cup of tea, switch to decaf.
But thanks for the comment, regardless.