3G Rumors: iFlips, iSlides, and iTablets - Oh My?!

Ars Technica (via Times Online) is joining the ranks of "we don't believe it and hate all the rumors, but we just gotta report this one..." (Welcome!) with a report citing the ever mysterious "industry insiders" and the equally obtuse "Asian Analysts" as saying:
[T]he next-generation iPhone will come in different form-factors, including possibly a flip-phone, a sliding model with a QWERTY keyboard, or even a model with a larger screen. Can anyone say, "iTablet?"
Ars rightly points out, however, that Apple post-Second Coming of El Jobso has embraced a Zen-like minimalism in their form factors. Indeed, almost everything nowadays is a rounded square box or rectangular slab of some sort. So, while anything's possible -- like the next Jobsnote being conducted in a button-down shirt -- I'm filing this one in the "how 'bout nooo!" pile for now. What do you think?
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Rene Ritchie is one of the most respected Apple analysts in the business, reaching a combined audience of over 40 million readers a month. His YouTube channel, Vector, has over 90 thousand subscribers and 14 million views and his podcasts, including Debug, have been downloaded over 20 million times. He also regularly co-hosts MacBreak Weekly for the TWiT network and co-hosted CES Live! and Talk Mobile. Based in Montreal, Rene is a former director of product marketing, web developer, and graphic designer. He's authored several books and appeared on numerous television and radio segments to discuss Apple and the technology industry. When not working, he likes to cook, grapple, and spend time with his friends and family.