Breaking news: the Apple Online Store is down! We're getting reports of widespread looting and chaos in the streets. The police are struggling to maintain order and secure vital infrastructure from the huge mobs surging through downtown, calling for justice in the wake of the Apple Online Store's closure in advance of today's special announcement. The authorities are hoping that the announcement of the iPhone 6 will help to calm the crowds and restore order to the city, but they fear that radical elements may not be assuaged unless they receive promises of an iWatch wearable release that the administration has deemed as a radical proposal.
We will be reporting live from the scene at Apple's announcement and encourage you to tune in live. Expectations for the administration's announcements vary significantly from pundit to pundit, but it's widely expected that we'll see newer and larger iPhones from Apple, and possibly some more new things as well. Irish rock band U2 is expected to make an appearance, though their calls for calm have fallen on deaf ears in recent weeks.